As I’m not quite sure how to start this post I’m just going to go for it. I’m gay. There I said it. It’s taken me a long time to feel comfortable with who I am and I’m sure this has contributed to my years of anxiety and depression.
I first knew I was ‘different’ when I was about 14. Everyone was talking about fancying boys and I just didn’t. The only idols I had were girls. Mainly from Neighbours and Home and Away! I didn’t even know there were options not to like boys then.
By the time I got to university (unbelievably twenty years ago now!) I knew the word for how I felt and I told a few people how I felt – we are no longer in contact which pretty much says it all. So I learned to keep quiet and just to go along with it when people talked about boys and later men they fancied.
Then in my twenties I tried again I told someone I thought I might be gay… and it wasn’t a disaster. But by then I was so caught up in the throws of my anxiety that I was terrified of being judged and being unable to cope.
Fast forward to now. I have a circle of amazing friends who just accept me for who I am. I went to pride with a friend from work and loved it. I can chat about girls in the staff room and am (almost) comfortable with it.
So here I am, every rainbow coloured, pink and sparkly, girl loving bit of me! Take me or leave me, your choice but I think I am finally happy with who I am and I’m proud.