Happy?

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I don’t often talk publicly about my anxiety and depression. For one it’s often too painful but also because it irritates me when I feel like that so I’m damn sure that other people must be irritated too. (Apparently they are not, so my friends tell me, but there we go) . However, if there’s one thing it has taught me on my journey it’s that I shall never, ever take happiness for granted. I never really know how I am going to feel until I wake up in the morning and however excited I am about something, sometimes my anxiety takes over and ruins it for me. So I’ve learnt to really enjoy and treasure truly happy times. I’ve been really lucky this week, I’ve had three truly happy days in a row. Days where I can see the colours around me and enjoy the company of others. Days where I can taste what I eat and smile with my eyes as well as my mouth. Days where I appreciate the beauty of the nature as I’ve driven (clocked up 250 miles so far this week!) Days where I walk with a spring in my step and my shoulders back. Days where I feel an unburdened lightness about myself. I will never take them for granted. But equally I try not to beat myself up about a bad day. They are part of my journey, obstacles to overcome perhaps or take a diversion around. But because of those dark days I think I feel my happy days more intensely and for this, surprisingly, I am glad. Yes in a way I am glad I have experienced depression, strange as that may seem. Although yes in some ways it truly sucks, in others it’s taught me valuable lessons. It’s taught me what happiness really feels like. And for that I am glad.

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